Monday, October 16, 2006
The beginning
I sucked it up. My mission in the sea of people has begun. I'll be honest, I never really took approach anxiety seriously until these two nights. Just walking across Mill Avenue telling myself over and over again I'd open that group of people over there and then before I knew it, I'd leave at the very last minute asking myself, what the fuck just happened--whatever it is, it has happened one time too many. And then when I did actually muster up the balls (I opened only 3 groups--ever--and they were all this Saturday) I expected them to be caught in the headlights, rather they answered my rehearsed opener amazing ease and comfort. I ended up becoming the one caught in the headlights, finding that these people are actually listening to and not ignoring me.
Everything Style has said has come true, I can't trust my friends about this. They just don't understand or have the patience to read and internalize organized pickup method. They are so caught up in their own weltanschauung, thinking they know anything (and to them anything means we were simply never meant to mingle and befriend women of beauty). One has even called me sleazy for even suggesting the notion of meeting others. They hurt my game, my game is more important than them, I must therefore leave them alone for a while and practice in field with the only one I know who knows about the community, myself.
I'll be honest about another thing. I'm not having fun doing this. I only managed to talk to 3 people. Getting 16 groups a night seems like an impossibility. With that in mind, I don't have an end in sight. So I go up and ask a stupid question. Then I make fun of them (well, I give them a hard time at least) about their answer. They laugh. Where do I go from here? Why can I open one set, eject, then have an enormous amount of anxiety approaching the next set? This process should be getting more familiar, not less! I don't feel as if I've internalized anything. My opener is still fumbled, no matter how many times I practice in the car. The drive to barrel through is waning. At the point I can't imagine this having worked for anyone.
Everything Style has said has come true, I can't trust my friends about this. They just don't understand or have the patience to read and internalize organized pickup method. They are so caught up in their own weltanschauung, thinking they know anything (and to them anything means we were simply never meant to mingle and befriend women of beauty). One has even called me sleazy for even suggesting the notion of meeting others. They hurt my game, my game is more important than them, I must therefore leave them alone for a while and practice in field with the only one I know who knows about the community, myself.
I'll be honest about another thing. I'm not having fun doing this. I only managed to talk to 3 people. Getting 16 groups a night seems like an impossibility. With that in mind, I don't have an end in sight. So I go up and ask a stupid question. Then I make fun of them (well, I give them a hard time at least) about their answer. They laugh. Where do I go from here? Why can I open one set, eject, then have an enormous amount of anxiety approaching the next set? This process should be getting more familiar, not less! I don't feel as if I've internalized anything. My opener is still fumbled, no matter how many times I practice in the car. The drive to barrel through is waning. At the point I can't imagine this having worked for anyone.
# posted by Prince Ali @ 11:39 PM 
